


Thirty Kisses

by sabinelagrande



Category: Firefly
Genre: Community: 30_kisses, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-14
Updated: 2008-04-14
Packaged: 2017-10-09 13:01:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 6,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/87781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabinelagrande/pseuds/sabinelagrande
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thirty kisses for Jayne and Kaylee.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Space

A standard bunk was too small for a person. This was an article of faith to Kaylee's mind, as covered as she was with scrapes and dings and bruises from accidental meetings with the bulkhead on too many evenings. She'd damned the thing to hell so many times that she was surprised it didn't just catch fire in the night, out of sheer spite.

So it was, of course, ridiculous when she'd visit Jayne's bunk. It always started out the same way: five minutes of negotiation, thirty seconds of comfort, ten more minutes of struggling. Then Jayne would wedge himself in against the wall and, growling, pull her tight against him, neck all vulnerable and stretched out for kissing.

Until she ended up back in his arms, Kaylee always forgot how big he was, how male, how small he made her feel when he put his arms around her. Simon was never like that- he wasn't that much larger than her, and he held her gently, as if she might break. Jayne didn't have any such restraint; he squeezed her tight and held her fast against him, until she felt tiny and safe in his arms.

It might have been too small for one, but Kaylee was starting to think a standard bunk was just the right size for two.


	2. Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayne makes desert.

With the greatest of care, Jayne delicately carried the large dessert to the table. To call it a cake wouldn't be entirely correct; it was definitely cake shaped and covered in icing, but the suspicious dents and lumps worked against it.

Lumps or not, it was carved up and passed around the table. To her credit, Inara managed to take several decent bites, her poker face perfectly intact, and push her plate away without so much as a cough. Wash was trying his damnedest not to make a face, Zoe burying her face into his shoulder to keep from laughing.

"I think it's got," Kaylee searched for a word, keeping her face as sunny as possible, "a real interestin' flavor."

"Burnt is not a flavor," Mal rejoined, unable to resist, making Jayne's face fall. That was the last straw for Simon, who doubled over in laughter.

A cloud passed over Kaylee's face, and she pursed her lips. She leaned down and gave Jayne a lingering kiss, and it was Simon's turn to be crestfallen.

"Tastes like candy," she said defiantly, staring hard at Simon. Jayne smirked, taking a huge bite off of Simon's dish and popping it in his mouth.


	3. Rust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Kaylee was the color of rust, Jayne had decided."

Kaylee was the color of rust, Jayne had decided.

He stood in the engine room, trying to remember why he had come there. The room was so different than the rest of the ship, so much warmer and somehow more comfortable than the cool, dark corridors.

It was the rust that changed it. The ship was all ate up with it, but it flourished unchecked in the engine room. It kissed into every corner, changing every surface, just like Kaylee had.

He stood in the empty room, listening to the drone of the engine. He pressed his hand to the rusty wall, trying to remember how warm it had felt before she left.


	4. Deal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Simon.

Simon sat in the common room, trying not to gouge his eyes out.

Kaylee kept giggling and squirming, which wasn't a particularly bad or abnormal thing. It was more the fact that Jayne, whose lap she happened to be seated upon, kept tickling her. It wasn't just the tickling, but the whole cutesy talk and untoward smiles package.

He valiantly endured this torment for a good ten minutes, picking at the arm of his chair determinedly. Finally, he stalked off across the room, unnoticed by the happy couple. Pretending not to look back, Simon futzed around the infirmary, cleaning things that weren't dirty and muttering over the state of his syringes. He started to reorganize a cabinet, but the bottle he was holding somehow broke when he saw Kaylee give Jayne a slow, lingering kiss.

Simon looked at his hand and sighed. At least it gave him some real work to do.

\--

"Is the coast clear?" Jayne asked, poking his head into the engine room.

"Come on in," Kaylee said, reaching down into her coveralls. Pulling out a small sack, she counted out a few coins.

"Pleasure doing business with you," Jayne told her, taking the money and stuffing it into his pocket.

Kaylee sighed. "Don't you think all this is kinda underhand?"

"Hell no," Jayne replied. "Damn fool deserves it."

"But he didn't mean-"

He interrupted her, counting off offenses on his fingers. "He forgot your birthday, your anniversary, Qi Xi Jie-"

"Wouldn't let me to go that boneyard on Dyton, even though it was just across the way and there was a perfectly good compression coil sitting right there, and Lord knows we need an extra one-"

"And he said them coveralls made your ass look big."

Kaylee narrowed her eyes. "He does deserve it."

"Hey, ya know," Jayne said with a leer, "we could make it an awful lot more convincing."

"No," Kaylee said flatly, then reconsidered. "Unless he says something about my momma or my tools. Then all bets are off."


	5. Cause and Effect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaylee realizes.

She doesn't notice for a long while- Jayne is Jayne, and if he's gruff and unfriendly, that's just him. They aren't as buddy-buddy as they used to be, for certain, but she's a little preoccupied, honestly. Who wouldn't be? They've got work, for once, and she's got Simon, who's sweet and lovely and hot and falling all over himself to keep her.

It isn't until he, in a fit of unusual demonstrativeness, kisses her at the dinner table one night that she understands. Inara smiles, Zoe laughs, Mal makes a joke out of it- but Jayne doesn't do anything at all. She tries to catch his eye, to see if he's okay; but she ends up sorry that she did, because his eyes are stuck somewhere between anger and pain.

She lets it turn over in her mind for a week or more, until she's walking by him one day in the hallway. She touches his arm in what's supposed to be a kind gesture, a quiet greeting between friends.

Either he doesn't see it that way or he doesn't approve, because Jayne shoves her up against the wall, and, before she can react, he's kissing- biting- _attached_ to her neck, his hands on either side of her, caging her in. She hears a dull thud behind her as her head connects with the wall, but cause and effect are broken, and all that matters is whispering his name and closing her eyes against the light.

And then he just leans back and walks away, with one final, predatory look back over his shoulder.

And Kaylee doesn't know what to do.


	6. The Wayward Mechanic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaylee reads porn. Jayne for the assist!

Jayne plucked the screen Kaylee was absorbed in from her hands.

"_The Wayward Companion_?" Jayne asked, reading the title slowly. Dropping into her bunk uninvited was a new, unwelcome habit of his.

"I was tryin' to read that!" Kaylee protested.

"Looks like real edifying subject matter," he replied, bringing up the cover image. A buff, shirtless man held a disheveled woman in a firm, painful looking embrace. Her head lolled back toward his, leaving her neck flung to the side at what had to be a painful angle. Jayne couldn't decide if she was in the throes of ecstasy or torture. "Say, uh, what's this thing about, anyway?"

Kaylee rolled her eyes. "You know damn well what it's about."

"Just 'cause I can tell what's gonna happen don't mean I know what it's about," Jayne replied.

Kaylee stretched back out, resting her head on her hands. "It's about this real youmei Companion who meets this rugged pilot." Her voice became dreamy. "She tries to run away with him, but the Guild don't like it, and they send a bounty hunter after her. Only the bounty hunter is secretly her long lost brother." She looked up to find Jayne still engrossed in the cover. "Am I talking to myself?"

"I'm listening," he said. "I'm just tryin' to figure out if this is actually possible."

Kaylee pushed herself up onto her knees. "C'mere." Jayne leered at her. She rolled her eyes. "No." Jayne's face fell, but he climbed obediently behind her.

"This ain't gonna work unless you get real short real fast," he warned her. Jayne pulled back her right elbow, resting his other hand on her stomach. "Like that?"

"I think," she said, picking up the cover with her free hand and studying it closely. "And I'm supposed to tilt my head back like- ow."

"Not like that."

"Thanks," she answered sarcastically, trying another angle.

"And people are supposed to be able to kiss like this?"

"I guess so."

"Jian ta de gui."

"Maybe it's a special Companion thing."

"So what happens?"

"The pilot finds out that he's the heir to a fortune, he buys out her contract, and they get married."

"Oh," Jayne said, sounding vaguely disappointed.

Kaylee turned around and pecked him on the cheek. "Anybody waiting for that stuff to happen outside of books is either a fool or a contortionist."

Jayne perked up. "Say-"

"Still no." She paused. "Alright, maybe."


	7. Two of Cups, Reversed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not supposed to end like this.

This isn't the way it's supposed to end, Mal realizes, and the thought hits him like a flash bomb.

It's supposed to end in a big house on Osiris, couple of children scampering around, daddy off at the hospital, momma in her shop. It's supposed to end with a big shiny Alliance wedding with all the trimmings that nobody 'cept Inara will be invited to.

It's definitely not supposed to end with him all trussed up like he's going courtin', standing on a piece of nothing land on a nothing planet in the ass-end of the 'verse.

Mal fumbles the ring when it's his turn, but neither bride nor groom notice. That's the damnedest thing- they're looking at each other like it's really meant to be, and Mal keeps waiting for the punch line.

Inara says some pretty words, incense is lit, Kaylee's momma cries somethin' fierce. But then Jayne kisses Kaylee, and the whole world seems to slow around them. It's like nothing he's seen in a long time, not since Wash was alive.

That's about the time Mal starts to think that maybe it isn't backwards after all.


	8. Five Reasons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayne escorts a heavily drugged Kaylee to the infirmary. Hilarity ensues.

"You get lighter?" Jayne asked, carrying Kaylee carefully towards the med bay.

"Aww," she replied, her speech slurred from the extra tranquilizers Simon had insisted on after the Crazy Ivan, "thank you, probably."

Jayne shrugged, as if he didn't know whether it was supposed to be a compliment either. He stepped into the doorway of the infirmary carefully, checking to make sure Simon was nowhere to be found.

"You just carried me over the threshold," Kaylee told him conspiratorially, closing her eyes and nodding as he lay her on the table. "That means we're married."

"I don't remember it going like that," he said. "Thought you was all hot for that shiny doc?"

"He is shiny, and he's got nice vests and clean fingernails." Kaylee yawned. "Like a shiny, pretty... lawyer." She seemed quite pleased with this choice of wording. "But it don't matter, on account of we just got married there in the doorway."

Jayne thought for a second about his husbandly rights, but then he swore he could hear his ma screeching from halfway across the Rim. That'd get him a ticket to the hot place faster than he could jump. "Ain't we got to have a preacher for that?"

"Got a preacher, don't we?"

"Plenty of places got a preacher, but that don't make people married for no reason."

"Pssh. Plenty reasons for us to be married."

"Name," Jayne stopped, considering, "five."

"You got pretty eyes. That's two. And you got big strong arms. That makes four." Kaylee held up three somewhat shaky fingers, smiling.

"That ain't but two," he said, bending down her middle finger gently.

Kaylee thought, her face scrunching up. "We already live in the same place, so we ain't got to find a new place to live. That's three."

"Fair enough."

"You think I'm cute. That's four."

"Who told you that?"

"You don't think I'm cute?" Kaylee looked mildly offended. "Everybody thinks I'm cute."

"Hell," Jayne allowed, "you are cute."

"And don't you forget it," she said, waving her finger at him.

"That still ain't but four reasons."

"I got another one, but it's a secret," Kaylee said, in a stage whisper. "You gotta come closer." Jayne leaned in, humoring her. "I said closer," she said, pulling him down towards her.

"What?" Jayne asked.

Kaylee pecked him on the end of the nose. "I like you, silly. That's five, so I win."

Jayne was tongue-tied, but it didn't really matter- no sooner than she'd finish talking, Kaylee went out like a light. She was just in time to miss Simon, who was staring at Jayne as if he was something unpleasant on his shoe.

"Doc," he asked gruffly, "she's gonna forget everything when she wakes up, right?"

"Maybe?" Simon tried. Jayne left the med bay without so much as a nod, and Simon wondered if he should be very worried.


	9. Homestead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just another day on the farm.

The light poured through the narrow window, pooling on the sleeping man's face. His wife pushed at him, trying to rouse him. When that didn't work, she closed her mouth over his and snaked her hand down under the blankets. His arms flashed out; he rolled, flipping her onto her back. Confident she wasn't a serial killer, he rained kisses down her chin and neck.

"I'm up," Jayne said, voice muffled by her hair.

"Works every time," Kaylee giggled. "Now you can fix my gorram fence."

\--

As Jayne pounded in the last nail on the new crossbar, a little girl ran out from the house. Jayne met her halfway, scooping her up and setting her on his shoulder.

"Momma says you got a wave," she told him.

"Oh she did, did she, li'l Janey? She tell you who it's from?"

"Uh uh," she said, shaking her head. "She just said you better get inside."

"Well, then, we better go." He swung her down, swinging her around once. "Your momma can be a powerful scary creature when she's angry. Like a cute, angry bear."

Kaylee met them at the door, taking Janey from him. "It was Mal."

"You tell him I ain't takin' you nowhere," he said, running a hand over her almost flat stomach. "Not for a year, at least."

"You can tell him in person. He'll be here by dinnertime."

\--

Serenity sat down just after sunset in a disused field behind the Cobb farm. The ramp was hardly down before Kaylee was up it. She almost bowled Mal over, catching him in a big hug.

"Easy there, Kaylee girl," he said, flinching. "Just got that side stitched up. 'Sides, wouldn't want to make your young man all jealous."

"Don't mind him," Kaylee said, straightening his shirt. "He acts up, I'll punch him right in the nose. You been takin' care of my girl?"

"You know it."

"Uh huh." Kaylee gave him a disbelieving look. "When's the last time she had a full inspection?"

"Two months- no more than three," Mal lied.

Kaylee sighed. "What am I gonna do with you, Captain?" She peered around him into the cargo bay. "How many of y'all is it?"

"Me, Zoe, 'Nara, River, and Max, who you ain't met yet."

"No Simon?"

"Tell me you ain't disappointed."

She punched Mal playfully on the arm. "Didn't say I was disappointed. I just want to know is all."

"Heat's died way down since the new Alliance administration came in. He's setting up for an appointment to a hospital on Osiris. Gonna steal my pilot, too, the hun dan."

"Well, y'all best come on inside. Dinner's almost ready, and you ain't even had time to see Jayne yet."

"Believe me, I seen enough of Jayne to last me a lifetime. Tell me about this dinner."

\--

Through the fading light of the sunset, Jayne studied Mal's face. The first traces of gray were starting to brush his temples; he had a new scar, a big, nasty thing down one side of his neck.

"Niska," Mal told him, indicating the scar.

"Hope you killed that old son of a bitch," Jayne replied, handing Mal a beer.

"Well, I don't reckon I did," Mal said, twisting off the cap. "Reckon it was the lack of oxygen just outside of my airlock that did it. Cheers."

They sat there drinking in silence for a number of minutes, watching the sun go down.

"Never thought I'd see the day you'd be settled down," Mal said, shaking his head. Jayne grunted, something close to a laugh. "Me, Zoe, hell, 'Nara- but you! You're Jayne Cobb! Defiler of women! Bearer of unnecessarily large firearms!"

Jayne shook his head. "Can't do that stuff forever. 'Sides, 'tween the farm and Kaylee's shop, I'm makin' twice what I did in the black. Don't have to spend it all on sexin', either."

"No, I reckoned you was gettin' that for free, though I can't see why you should."

Jayne ignored him. "Miss the guns, though." He turned to face Mal. "You know I ain't shot nobody since before Janey was born?"

"How do you survive?" Mal deadpanned.

"What about you? You worked up the nerve to get all kissey face with Inara yet?"

"It ain't like that-"

"I know it ain't, cause both of you're blind and feng le."

Mal blinked. "Why, Jayne Cobb. Did I just hear you tryin' to give advice?"

Jayne studied his beer thoughtfully. "It ain't like it used to be. We ain't like it used to be. You're not young anymore."

Mal rolled his eyes. "Oh, I see how it is. It's all 'we' until we're talkin' about bein' old." There was a pregnant pause. "So, I guess I can skip the part where I beg you to come back."

Jayne looked out over the farm. "Me and Kaylee, we got a good thing here. Youngin'- bout to have two, a house that don't move, food that ain't just protein." He trailed off, studying the horizon.

"Hell, Mal, I'm near about bored out of my brain, and Kaylee misses Serenity somethin' fierce. This is real nice, but it ain't to last." Mal started to interject, but Jayne stopped him. "Can't come back for seven months- a year, at least, cause I ain't havin' my baby born in the black." He stopped another interruption from Mal. "And I ain't leavin' my kids. That just ain't gonna happen. Saved up more than enough to pay their way."

Mal stared hard at him. "Don't think I'm just holdin' you a place." He wagged a warning finger in Jayne's face. "If you want back in, you'll have to wait at least five, ten minutes while I throw Max out."

Jayne looked suddenly alarmed. "Hey, Mal, don't tell Kaylee I said nothin', 'specially about things not lasting. She'll think I was talking about her, and Hell ain't got no fury like an angry Kaylee Cobb."

Mal shook his head. "Don't reckon I'm ever gonna get used to hearin' that."

Jayne suddenly held a hand out across Mal's chest. "C'mon. I smell pie."

"Now that's the Jayne I know."

\--

Serenity lifted off just after lunch the next day. On the ground, the man and his wife saw it off, standing far clear. A lift, a swing, and it was long gone.

Jayne ran his hands over Kaylee's stomach, leaning down to her ear. "Janey still at your Ma's?"

Kaylee leaned her head back against his shoulder. "Told her she could stay till tomorrow."

"Race you to the house?"

"Jayne," she said, turning to him, voice grave. "I am in a delicate condition. I can't be running all over creation." She paused, then pushed past him and took off running. "Not without a head start!"

Jayne grinned and took off behind her.

\--

Mal stood on the bridge in his accustomed place, looking out at the stars.

"If you bring them back, it won't be like old times again," River said from somewhere behind him. "It won't be all wacky fun and trouble with the Alliance."

"No, Albatross, it won't." He turned and smiled at her. "I intend to make entirely new trouble."


	10. Persuasion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaylee plays nurse.

"It ain't gonna kill you," Kaylee said, holding out a dosage cup and a glass of water.

"You don't know that," Jayne growled, shrinking from the cup as if it held poison.

Kaylee sighed. "It's just a little pill, on account of we don't get no sunlight out in the black."

"We was on Persephone last week, and they got a sun."

"That was two weeks ago, and, anyway, how could you see it with all that fog?"

"I don't care if it was two months ago, I ain't takin' it."

"It's kind of a shame," Kaylee said coyly, turning away. "Cause I was just down in the med bay, and Simon bet me you wouldn't take it. Said you was just a big monkey, didn't know about anything fancy like medicine or clean hands. You know, the things respectable girls like."

By the time she turned back around, the pills were gone, and Jayne was tipping back the water. Kaylee kissed him lightly on the cheek and headed for the door.

"Kaylee?"

"Yeah?"

"You was just bluffing about the medicine, right?"

"More or less," she answered, smiling. "But not the hands."

She left Jayne studying his cuticles.


	11. Just Like That

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaylee teaches Jayne to dance.

When Kaylee hit the button, the little space was filled with music. It was a sweet, airy waltz, and it made Jayne think of places he'd never been, fancy Core worlds with too little sky.

She took one of Jayne's hands and led it to her shoulder. He rested the other uncomfortably on the middle of her back, stiff as a board and completely uneasy.

"Remind me why we're doin' this?"

"You know damn well Mal's not lettin' Inara go down there without a bodyguard."

"Why can't it be Mal then? At least he knows how to pretend to dance."

She stepped slowly through the dance, watching his feet to make sure he was doing it properly. "Further my way- good, like that. Now, like this."

Jayne fumbled, trying to follow her small feet, but he managed well enough. "And where'd you learn to do this, anyway?"

He was losing his rigidity, following more easily now. "Weren't nothin' to do at home sometimes for the women, so some of us learned to dance."

"Just seems a little fancified for you, is all."

"What, I can't be fancy?" The more he was distracted, the easier his feet moved, so Kaylee drew it out. "I think you just insulted me."

"Hell, l'il Kaylee, it ain't like fancy's always such a good thing to be. Plenty of things that're good ain't fancy at all."

"Like what?"

"Like… hell, I don't know. Guns, and apples, and dirt. The sky. Hot coffee in the mornin'. Sex. Ain't fancy, just good."

"Hold on," Kaylee said, stopping the dance. "This ain't right."

"What ain't right? Sex?"

"No," she said, giggling. "You have to lead."

"What, do what you was just doin'? It ain't nothin'." He put his arms back around her, one hand slipping comfortably to the small of her back. Kaylee stepped ever so slightly closer, and they were waltzing again.

"You never did answer me," he said after a few minutes of silence.

"Answer you what?"

"Why ain't Mal takin' Inara?"

Kaylee snorted. "They're all tetchy with each other again. Can't neither one admit the other's crazy for 'em."

"That ain't no way to be in love."

"Why, Jayne Cobb, I never thought I'd hear somethin' like that out of you."

"It ain't like it's not plain as day. Shouldn't be all complicated like that, all tied up and spun about. You love somebody, they love you? Well, then it ain't no more to it."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

They stopped dancing, suddenly distracted. Something flashed in Kaylee's eyes, a spark of recognition. She leaned up very slowly and kissed Jayne on the lips. He drew her in, holding her close.

"Just like that."


	12. Last Stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayne and Kaylee face Reavers.

They pushed Simon's body into a garbage chute. It wasn't much, but at least it was some sort of protection. Jayne took stock in his mind: Mal and River were on the ship; Zoe was dead; he was pretty sure Inara got the shuttle off before they got to her. He motioned to Kaylee to be quiet as he looked out from the room they'd been hiding in.

The hallway was deathly silent. That was a blessing; Reavers weren't known for their stealth.

Kaylee was shaking. The crying had stopped, but she was still hugging her knees and shuddering every few minutes. Jayne's heart tore a little more every time he looked at her. He paced, thinking.

The way Jayne saw it, there were only two options left. One, they could stay here until the Reavers found them. The door was locked, so they might leave them be, but that was highly unlikely. Two, they could leave. Jayne had studied the layout of the building before the whole mess began; if they could only get to the elevator to the top of the building, it was only a few yards to the door to the roof.

He helped the unresisting girl to her feet. "C'mon, lil Kaylee," he said, holding her close. "All I need you to do is follow me. Count on me, Kaylee girl." He kissed her on the top of the head and led her outside.

When they reached the end of the hallway, Jayne held Kaylee back and looked around the corner. There were six or seven of them, but he could see the elevator. It was probably hopeless, but they had to try.

He took Kaylee by the hand and looked her in the eyes. "Just run," he told her. She nodded mutely.

Jayne took off, clinging to Kaylee the best he could. He shot two of them, but more of them came out of the hallway branching to his left. Jayne tried not to think; he was halfway pulling Kaylee and trying to beat the Reavers back as best he could.

The elevator doors were mercifully open, and Jayne dashed inside. He pulled his arm forward, trying to sling Kaylee into the elevator.

The worst of Jayne's fears was realized when Kaylee's small hand slipped from his.

Two of them were holding her. He couldn't think; he wouldn't let himself. Jayne brought his gun up and kissed it on the barrel. He didn't feel himself shoot, but a bullet hit Kaylee right between the eyes. The Reaver that was holding her let go abruptly. Jayne let out a choking sigh of relief as he pounded the door close button.

He slumped against the wall of the elevator, completely unmanned.

Truth be told, he'd never liked the doc much, and he wasn't exactly sad he was gone. Zoe he was plenty tore up about, but she never was right after Wash died. He hadn't written to his parents in months- couldn't, lest he bring the Alliance down on them. It was Kaylee he'd talked to when he missed them. Kaylee was the one who brought him dinner when he was laid up. Kaylee had always been there when he needed somebody, whether Simon liked it or not. Kaylee had become home to him. And when she had needed him most, he had failed.

Mal wouldn't miss him too much. Inara wouldn't miss him at all. And River, River would understand.

There were Reavers on the top floor, but it didn't matter. Jayne was dead before the doors opened.


	13. Good Night Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rice wine and engine rooms don't mix.

Jayne came to, freezing his ass off on what he came to realize was a hard steel grate. He moaned, rubbing his head and standing up with some difficulty. It was then he realized three things.

One, he was in the airlock.

Two, Mal was outside the airlock.

Three, he was butt naked.

With an ominous feeling of familiarity, he grabbed the communicator from the window and turned it on.

Mal's voice came through. "You got about ten seconds to explain why you had my mechanic nekkid and screaming in my engine room."

"Gorrammit, Mal! Are you completely kuangzhe de? Let me out of here!"

"Not till I get some answers!"

"How come you always think the only way to get any answers out of me is to put me in the gorram airlock? How come you can't never lock me in the storage room or sit me down over tea or something?"

"Cause I don't trust you."

"Qu ni de!"

Mal shrugged his shoulders and started to walk away.

"Wait, wait, wait, Mal! Mal, hold on! I can explain!"

He turned back and picked up the communicator. "Start talkin'."

"It was one summer," Jayne told Kaylee, passing her the bottle of rice wine they'd been sharing. "I hadn't been away from home long. Guy by the name of Decker had me under his wing, doing some stuff that must have been highly illegal."

"Not that you had any problem with it," Kaylee teased.

"Well, I might've, if I'd known what was going on," he considered, "but I was powerful stupid back then." Kaylee made a face like she had something to say about that, but waved him on.

"So I went down into town Friday night, lookin' for some trim, and I sure enough found it." He stopped to take a swig from the bottle. "Real pretty girl, great hoot-" He stopped short. "Well, she was real pretty. So I took her on back to my room, and as soon as I shut the door, she laid one on me. When I woke up the next afternoon, my head felt like I'd been hit with a brick and everything I had was gone."

"Good Night Kiss?"

"Yup. Took everything except the clothes on my back and my pistol."

"Damn," Kaylee said meditatively, sipping from the bottle. "So you won't kiss anybody?"

"Nobody but my momma or my best girl, if I had one."

"Would you kiss me?" Kaylee asked, a glint in her eye.

Jayne made a scoffing noise at the back of his throat. "The day somebody like you has to give somebody the Good Night Kiss is a damn sorry day," he said, taking another swig off the bottle.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Aw, hell." He sighed. Jayne was probably going to regret it later, but he was feeling good, so he just let himself talk. "I mean you're smart as a gorram whip, and pretty, and you can fix damned near anything. Man oughta be proud to be with a girl like you, treat you right."

He looked at the bottle, as if consulting it for wisdom. "Some women is just things, and most of 'em ain't got a problem with it. Can't tell one from t'other, not that it matters, cause they're just the same inside anyway. But you ain't."

"Why Jayne Cobb," Kaylee said, a little abashed. "I can't decide if that's the worst thing I ever heard, or the sweetest."

"Don't none of this explain why you were all…" Words failed Mal. "Naked."

"Will you let me finish my damn story?" Jayne growled. "I'm tryin' to tell it as fast as I ruttin' well can, gorrammit!"

Mal could hear his teeth starting to chatter. "Go on."

Soon after, the wine was gone, and the bottle discarded. It rolled under the engine with a benign clunking sound. Kaylee just giggled and snuggled closer to Jayne, whose legs she'd suddenly discovered made a damn fine pillow.

"You never did answer my question," Kaylee said, trying to find a way to look up at him that didn't involve staring up into the light.

"What question is that, Kaylee girl?" Jayne asked, leaning back on the bulkhead, though he already knew the answer.

"Would you kiss me?"

Jayne's natural enthusiasm was tempered by thoughts of all the inventive ways Mal was going to torture him. "I probably ain't any good at it anymore," he said dismissively.

"I don't reckon I much care," Kaylee told him.

Jayne shrugged. Who was he to argue? He leaned down and took his first kiss in years.

"Nice story," Mal told him. "Any of it true?"

There was an audible thud as Jayne banged his head against the airlock door.

"Wait here," Mal said, leaving the comm on the floor. Jayne just sat down, whimpering.

"Really, I'm fine," Kaylee said uncomfortably. She adjusted her coveralls; she'd dressed in an awful hurry. Mal didn't respond, but kept guiding her toward the infirmary. Zoe and Simon were already there, and Kaylee could feel herself blushing fiercely. 

"Is any of the gôu pì Jayne's been feeding me for the last fifteen minutes true?" he asked accusingly, sitting her down on the table.

Kaylee's blush spread all the way up to her hair. Zoe put her hand on Mal's shoulder.

"Sir, with all due respect," she said firmly, "get the hell out of here."

The kissing was terribly nice, but what came after it was much better.

Before too long, it led to Kaylee being pushed up against the back wall of the engine room. Jayne's hands and mouth were everywhere, groping, licking, sucking. Kaylee felt halfway like she was being mauled, and it felt heavenly.

He hitched her legs up around his waist and pressed himself up into her. Kaylee made a noise that was somewhere between a moan and a scream. It crossed her mind that she was being loud, but she didn't really care. She didn't care about a whole lot except matching Jayne's rhythm and calling his name, interspersed with deities and obscenities.

She screamed it one last time, this time in horror, as Mal brought something heavy down against Jayne's head.

Zoe and Kaylee walked back into the infirmary, Kaylee's face still bright red. Zoe nodded to Mal.

"Simon," Mal said. The doctor perked up. "Go and get Jayne out of the airlock." He paused. "Take a blanket."

"Sir," Zoe said in a warning tone after Simon had left. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

"No," Mal answered, "but it is an awful amusing one." An evil smile curled the edges of his lips.

Jayne came down the ladder into his bunk, swearing the entire way. It was bad enough that his savior had been the gorram doc, who'd stuck him full of needles as soon as he'd come out of the airlock, some of which Jayne was certain weren't entirely necessary. But when Zoe and Wash had started giggling at him, that was too much.

So he'd stalked off to his room, expecting to sulk angrily and curse Mal, that gorram girl, and everybody else to all the hells he knew about. What he hadn't expected was Kaylee, her coveralls on the floor, wrapped in his bedsheet.

"I thought after all that you might like a good night kiss," she said, bordering on devilish.

The hell with it, Jayne thought. He'd already had his punishment. He'd be goddamned if he wasn't going to enjoy himself.


	14. Complication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaylee Frye is a girl with a bad habit.

Kaylee Frye is a girl with a bad habit.

She knows, deep in her trembling little heart of hearts, that she loves Simon. She feels the same frisson every time he walks into a room, feels herself light up as she always has. There's no change there.

And she knows, though she forgets, that he really does love her, underneath all his meek, pompous flailings. And when they come together, it is so very good- long slow kisses that last forever and burn her right up.

Simon is like chocolate, hidden in a drawer for a special day, but too rich and too fancy for just any old time. He is an indulgence to be savored, only from time to time, and he is delicious.

But it ain't enough. A woman can't live on chocolate alone, though Kaylee has tried. She needs something a little more substantial, something to put meat on her bones, something to carry her through.

So she turns to Jayne. If anybody else knew, they'd think it was an early warning sign of space dementia, but oddly, it doesn't feel strange to her. Plain truth to be told, despite her protests, she enjoys having his leering eye on her from time to time. With Jayne, she will always know where she stands, no question about it. He ain't the sort to hide behind propriety; he gets what he wants.

And, lately, when he wants Kaylee, he gets her. He looks at her like he'll eat her whole, and Kaylee damn near goes crazy. And when he takes her, it's hard and fast- no sweet caresses, no long, languorous kisses. There's something about it, though it's violent and rough, that feels healthsome. After Jayne, paradoxically, she feels new.

When Simon asks her about the bruises that purple her thighs, she tells him that she falls a lot, what with crawling around the engine all the time. Even as he's clucking over them, wondering which drug will make them fade quickest, she's satisfied, a weird sense of pride filling her.

She's half-convinced that Jayne's just using her to have something to lord over Simon. And having two lovers on the same spaceship is practically suicidal. Sure enough, Jayne complicates her life. He'd make it as hard as Simon'd make it easy. In the past, Kaylee's world has always been simple, built on nothing but the truth. Now, it's a big mess, with a lie smack in the middle.

And she wouldn't have it any other way.


	15. Better Unsaid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mal couldn't stand to hear a little bit more, as a matter of fact.

"Kaylee?" Mal called, stepping into the engine room.

"Yeah, Cap'n?" she answered, and Mal looked for the source of her voice. As expected, she was underneath the engine, doing something that was apparently very important, and he prepared to pretend to know what it was.

"Can I talk to you for a bit?"

She gave the wrench a final, authoritative twist and climbed out. She plugged a hanging cable into a socket, and the engine hummed to life, as steady as ever. "What do you need?"

"Need to talk to you about Jayne."

There was a momentary flash of panic on Kaylee's face, so brief that nobody but Mal- excepting Zoe, Wash, Inara, and most of the population of Persephone, of course- could have noticed it. "What would I know about Jayne?"

Mal leaned back against the wall. "He's been acting mighty strange lately."

"Strange? I didn't see nothin' strange," she said defensively. "I didn't notice nothin' at all."

"Kinda hard not to notice, mei mei, what with the way that Jayne's took to screamin' and runnin' every time you walk into the room."

Kaylee studied the grease on her hands. "Can't notice him if he ain't ever in the same room."

"Kaywinnit," Mal said, adopting his most serious voice.

"He's just so damn bashful," she sighed, sitting down against the wall.

He stared at her. "Are we talking about the same Jayne? Big guy? Hairy? Many firearms?"

"All I ever told him was I thought he was shuai," she continued, ignoring him.

"Obviously not," he answered to himself.

"And that if he ever wanted to-" She mercifully restricted herself to a few hand gestures.

"I cannot be hearing this," Mal muttered.

"And then all I tried to do was give him a little kiss-"

At that, Mal put his fingers in his ears and went away, loudly singing to himself in Chinese.


	16. Better Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayne and his fantasies.

She asks him about it, later, when everybody's gone to bed and the ship's all nice and comfortably quiet. He plays it up, of course- the Radiant Cobb, invincible master of the skies, envy of all men, secret sexual fantasy of all women. He doesn't skimp on the description of his many consorts (present company included) and their insatiable lust. She does a lot of hand waving and eye rolling at all that, and she positively guffaws at the shower scene.

He leaves out the second part of the story, reciting it to himself after she's already gone off to her bunk. That's the part where he lets all the concubines loose (to staff his chain of expensively decorated brothels- he's a pragmatist, after all) and sets her up all nice and proper in the Core. A big gorram house with a big gorram yard and a machine shop in the back, and five or six little brown-headed children who've all got their momma's smile and their daddy's eyes.

He doesn't really think that there's enough money in the verse to make him brave enough to tell her all that.


End file.
